Social Anxiety and Me

“Face your fears and they’ll go away” Well that’s easier said than done.

Photo cred : Tino Nyandoro

Hey Lovelies

So what is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is the fear of  interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance. It is the fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

Source : Social Anxiety Institute

Photo cred : Tino Nyandoro

So where am I going with this? Over the last 3 or so years I have become more withdrawn and conserved. I always thought it was because I lived on my own in uni so I had a lot of “me” time. I was my own company and my friends laughed when I used to tell them I’d play by myself, like a little girl would do with her dolls. That was me. And that is how I discovered my love for DIY. I spent my time on all things creative. I do not regret this though because that has shaped me into the woman I am becoming and I quite like her. But it really affected my life socially.

I am only discovering this now. Last year, one weekend a friend of mine visited SA from Zim and I spent the weekend with him and friends. When we were home, and it was just us (the people I was familiar with) everything was great. I was this fun person and it was all smiles and laughter. And then we would go out and meet up with their other friends. I would do a total 180. I would not speak. I could not speak. I would just giggle if someone said something funny and that was it. I tried, I really did. And I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

Photo cred : Tino Nyandoro

Fast forward to this year. I have attended events where I would try so hard to be normal. It worked in some cases and I did talk to people but deep down I was scared. Scared of saying the wrong thing, scared of embarrassing myself, scared of not being good enough. Some words wouldn’t come out right and I would stutter. Weird right, because for those who know me, that just isn’t me. These last couple of weeks I had been really having a hard time with this whole life thing, and I had no friends to turn to here in Zimbabwe. I was lonely. I am lonely. I can’t bring myself to throw myself into a crowd of people and just BE. Laugh, dance, share. That thought alone scares me.

Anyway, this last Saturday, there was Unplugged (An open-air entertainment event). I had decided not to go because I didn’t have anyone to go with. My friend Chiedza convinced me to just come and after some thought and self-convincing I went. By myself. It wasn’t so bad. But I still experienced the anxiety through my smiles. The people I met there were really accommodating and I am so grateful. I doubt they knew anything that was going through my mind or how my heart was racing the whole time!

So here I am, realising what may be wrong with me and making the decision to face it. It would be easier if I had a friend by my side but perhaps this a part of the journey that I need to face head-on.

Hey social anxiety! You will no longer have a hold on me!

Anyway, til’ next time! Let’s have fun, discover and share!

-Tete

Here are a couple of snaps from Unplugged

Photo cred : Tino Nyandoro

Me & Tino Nyandoro 🙂

You can get in touch with Tino Nyandoro here:
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